i am...

concerned that i will never love someone like i loved him....

what happens to me in vegas... doesn't stay in vegas.

i hadn't been to vegas in years...

one old memory of the sin city involved the 'special memories wedding chapel' and a car full of friends and family.... literally a car full, it was a drive through wedding. soon followed by a midnight showing of 'the AMAZING JONATHAN', the movie "AI" and no sex. best wedding night ever! i could possibly try and forget the whole experience if i really wanted to, but why would i? it is a part of who am i am today, and i would have a little trouble forgetting it mostly because we had a DVD made. oh to be young and in love... oh and pregnant. has anyone else gotten married in vegas? it really is kind of awesome... try it.. once, twice.. whatever.

on friday evening my best 2 friends and myself embarked on a journey that we will never forget... nearly running out of gas on the 15, and eating packed lunches in the car.... gluten free turkey sandwiches, organic animal crackers, and pretzels... only stopping for gas, and hot tea. that is how ballers do it on the way to vegas. getting to the hotel at around 1:30, we quickly decide to head out and about....

got to go bring baby girl to school... to be continued...

insomnia....

has really gotten the best of me. i used to never be like this.... i wake up, so tired.... and yet my mind wanders and wanders. numbers, conclusions, dates... just goes on and on.

i am ready to feel whole again. i am ready to get a good nights sleep again. no more of this waking up. just a full nights sleep. it's coming soon... i assure you.

tomorrow.

chinese food....

MAKES ME SICK!

boxcar racer

this vacation's useless, these white pills aren't kind. i've given a lot of thought on this 13 hour drive. i miss the grinding concrete where we sat past 8 or 9, and slowly finished laughing in the glow of our headlights. i've given a lot of thought to the nights we used to have, the days have come and gone, our lives went by so fast. i faintly remember breathing, on your bedroom floor, where i laid and told you, but you'd swear you love me more... do you care if i don't know what to say? will you sleep tonight? will you think of me? will i shake this off, pretend its all okay? that there's someone out there who feels just like me... there is.

right now...

i want to rob a quickie mart and then go to the pound and set all of the kittens free.

i wish i had heard this song a long time ago....

i've been sitting here staring at the clock on the wall

and i've been laying here praying, praying she won't call

it's just another call from home

and you'll get it and be gone

and i'll be crying

and i'll be begging you, baby

beg you not to leave

but i'll be left here waiting

with my heart on my sleeve

for the next time we'll be here

seems like a million years

and i think i'm dying

what do i have to do to make you see?

she can't love you like me?

why don't you stay

i'm down on my knees

i'm so tired of being lonely

don't i give you what you need?

when she calls you to go

there is one thing you should know

we don't have to live this way

baby, why don't you stay?

you keep telling me, baby

there will come a time

when you will leave her arms

and forever be mine

but i don't think that's the truth

and i don't like being used and i'm tired of waiting

it's too much pain to have to bear

to love a man you have to share

why don't you stay

i'm down on my knees

i'm so tired of being lonely

don't i give you what you need

when she calls you to go

there is one thing you should know

we don't have to live this way

baby, why don't you stay

i can't take it any longer

but my will is getting stronger

and i think i know just what i have to do

i can't waste another minute

after all that i've put in it

i've given you mt best

why does she get the best of you

so next time you find you wanna leave her bed for mine

why don't you stay?

i'm up off my knees

i'm so tired of being lonely

you can't give me when i need

when she begs you not to go

there is one with you should know

i don't have to live this way

baby, why don't you stay?

-sugerland-