Tuesday, March 30, 2010

what happens to me in vegas... doesn't stay in vegas.

i hadn't been to vegas in years...

one old memory of the sin city involved the 'special memories wedding chapel' and a car full of friends and family.... literally a car full, it was a drive through wedding. soon followed by a midnight showing of 'the AMAZING JONATHAN', the movie "AI" and no sex. best wedding night ever! i could possibly try and forget the whole experience if i really wanted to, but why would i? it is a part of who am i am today, and i would have a little trouble forgetting it mostly because we had a DVD made. oh to be young and in love... oh and pregnant. has anyone else gotten married in vegas? it really is kind of awesome... try it.. once, twice.. whatever.

on friday evening my best 2 friends and myself embarked on a journey that we will never forget... nearly running out of gas on the 15, and eating packed lunches in the car.... gluten free turkey sandwiches, organic animal crackers, and pretzels... only stopping for gas, and hot tea. that is how ballers do it on the way to vegas. getting to the hotel at around 1:30, we quickly decide to head out and about....

got to go bring baby girl to school... to be continued...

Thursday, March 18, 2010

insomnia....

has really gotten the best of me. i used to never be like this.... i wake up, so tired.... and yet my mind wanders and wanders. numbers, conclusions, dates... just goes on and on.

i am ready to feel whole again. i am ready to get a good nights sleep again. no more of this waking up. just a full nights sleep. it's coming soon... i assure you.

tomorrow.

chinese food....

MAKES ME SICK!

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

boxcar racer

this vacation's useless, these white pills aren't kind. i've given a lot of thought on this 13 hour drive. i miss the grinding concrete where we sat past 8 or 9, and slowly finished laughing in the glow of our headlights. i've given a lot of thought to the nights we used to have, the days have come and gone, our lives went by so fast. i faintly remember breathing, on your bedroom floor, where i laid and told you, but you'd swear you love me more... do you care if i don't know what to say? will you sleep tonight? will you think of me? will i shake this off, pretend its all okay? that there's someone out there who feels just like me... there is.

right now...

i want to rob a quickie mart and then go to the pound and set all of the kittens free.

i wish i had heard this song a long time ago....

i've been sitting here staring at the clock on the wall
and i've been laying here praying, praying she won't call
it's just another call from home
and you'll get it and be gone
and i'll be crying
and i'll be begging you, baby
beg you not to leave
but i'll be left here waiting
with my heart on my sleeve
for the next time we'll be here
seems like a million years
and i think i'm dying

what do i have to do to make you see?
she can't love you like me?
why don't you stay
i'm down on my knees
i'm so tired of being lonely
don't i give you what you need?
when she calls you to go
there is one thing you should know
we don't have to live this way
baby, why don't you stay?
you keep telling me, baby
there will come a time
when you will leave her arms
and forever be mine
but i don't think that's the truth
and i don't like being used and i'm tired of waiting
it's too much pain to have to bear
to love a man you have to share

why don't you stay
i'm down on my knees
i'm so tired of being lonely
don't i give you what you need
when she calls you to go
there is one thing you should know
we don't have to live this way
baby, why don't you stay
i can't take it any longer
but my will is getting stronger
and i think i know just what i have to do
i can't waste another minute
after all that i've put in it
i've given you mt best
why does she get the best of you
so next time you find you wanna leave her bed for mine

why don't you stay?
i'm up off my knees
i'm so tired of being lonely
you can't give me when i need
when she begs you not to go
there is one with you should know
i don't have to live this way
baby, why don't you stay?
-sugerland-

Day 1 of Project 'Be Love'.

ehhhhhhh. i will get back to it this afternoon. going back to bed. going to give myself at least another hour or so to be cynical and bitter. ok?

Monday, March 15, 2010

you tell me you want me
you're always thinking of me
but, when you give your heart away
and when we're together
it's always so much better
but, i can't find the worlds or will to say
i've been here before

and i'm gonna be just fine
but, i want you, i want you
you say that i'm wasting time
but, i want to, i want to
i know i could make you mine
and i want to, i want to
cause' i want you, i want you

we come and we go and
the world begins to slow when
you call me because you know you can
you give me the feeling
it could be a beginning
and when i finally think you start to understand
you don't have a clue

you start to feel it now that i have gone away
you call me and tell me everything is not okay
if i could save you, you know that i would find a way

and here comes a secret
my darkest, my deepest
i've been fighting for the longest time
he left me broken
and i was all alone when
you can into the room and everything was right
i'm not letting go

i'm sorry.

sorry (adj.) - feeling or expressing sympathy, pity, or regret. worthless or inferior; paulty. causing sorry, grief, or misfortune.



the dictionary couldn't have said it better.



it took me 3 years to realize that i was hurting someone without her even knowing. for so long i have cleverly dubbed this person, my 'arch nemisis'. but honestly why? i was in her shoes not that long ago, and i was heartbroken.



heartbroken (adj.) - suffering from exhibiting overwhelming sorrow, grief, or disappointment.



yeh, that sounds about right.

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

relationship-less

i don't have a boyfriend, so i google.